Andy's Random Thoughts

I don't really have anything exciting to blog about and it definitely is my turn, so here are a few things that I think are worth discussing.

1- Who was the genius that decided that pickles and olives deserved their own section at the grocery store? It was probably the same guy who brought you "good luck ever finding marshmallows without asking the awkward, pizza-faced, teenaged employee" and "729 loaves of the bread you want when you're grabbing an extra loaf to put in the freezer, but only one on the shelf when you're completely out of bread that turns out to not really be the kind you want, just one that was discarded when someone realized they accidentally grabbed cracked wheat instead of 12-grain." Seriously though, when was the last time you ate pickles and olives at the same time? Possibly even stranger is the fact that, at my house, we can only buy the fancy schmancy refrigerated pickles that are next to......the bacon. I enjoy slapping together a good, ol' fashioned BLP as much as the next guy, but there has got to be a better way to organize said foodstuffs.

2- Note I'd like to leave on the gate to the pool area on the way out:

Dear large girl on the floating pool lounge,

You might want to give that bikini a second thought. If after that second thought, you still want to wear one, here's a little advice. When shopping for the bottom, stop clinging to the M sister. Go ahead and step up to the big girl L and no one will think any less of you. In fact you might even get the kind of attention that you want at the pool instead of that pleasant face people make when they've just thrown up a little in their mouths. While you're at it, grab a top that is actually a full D. That medium C is not doing those girls any favors.

Sincerely yours,
The married dude that isn't a resident and technically should not be swimming in your pool

PS- The reason why my wife made the previously mentioned face several times today was because she's pregnant and has an overactive gag reflex.

3- I love IKEA and I'm not ashamed to admit it. In fact, my wife won't even let me go alone because I have little self control. I mean, we may not have need for it now, but you never know when we might need a flexible, multi-colored lamp or a wall mirror the size of a postage stamp. I've heard they have good food too. I wouldn't know. I've never been able to divert my attention from the deliciously Swedish merchandise. On a similarly girly note, I don't have a problem buying feminine hygiene products by myself. When I get to the checkout with a variety pack of tampons, no one in their right mind is going to think that they're for me. Why should I be embarrassed? In fact, I might even get a little respect from the cashier when I get up there with the pads that come with those little soothing wipes, because....come on....those are the best.
(The record shall also show that I still love thick steaks, sports, working out and blowing stuff up)

And I'm spent.