Friday, June 20, 2008
1- Who was the genius that decided that pickles and olives deserved their own section at the grocery store? It was probably the same guy who brought you "good luck ever finding marshmallows without asking the awkward, pizza-faced, teenaged employee" and "729 loaves of the bread you want when you're grabbing an extra loaf to put in the freezer, but only one on the shelf when you're completely out of bread that turns out to not really be the kind you want, just one that was discarded when someone realized they accidentally grabbed cracked wheat instead of 12-grain." Seriously though, when was the last time you ate pickles and olives at the same time? Possibly even stranger is the fact that, at my house, we can only buy the fancy schmancy refrigerated pickles that are next to......the bacon. I enjoy slapping together a good, ol' fashioned BLP as much as the next guy, but there has got to be a better way to organize said foodstuffs.
2- Note I'd like to leave on the gate to the pool area on the way out:
Dear large girl on the floating pool lounge,
You might want to give that bikini a second thought. If after that second thought, you still want to wear one, here's a little advice. When shopping for the bottom, stop clinging to the M sister. Go ahead and step up to the big girl L and no one will think any less of you. In fact you might even get the kind of attention that you want at the pool instead of that pleasant face people make when they've just thrown up a little in their mouths. While you're at it, grab a top that is actually a full D. That medium C is not doing those girls any favors.
The married dude that isn't a resident and technically should not be swimming in your pool
PS- The reason why my wife made the previously mentioned face several times today was because she's pregnant and has an overactive gag reflex.
3- I love IKEA and I'm not ashamed to admit it. In fact, my wife won't even let me go alone because I have little self control. I mean, we may not have need for it now, but you never know when we might need a flexible, multi-colored lamp or a wall mirror the size of a postage stamp. I've heard they have good food too. I wouldn't know. I've never been able to divert my attention from the deliciously Swedish merchandise. On a similarly girly note, I don't have a problem buying feminine hygiene products by myself. When I get to the checkout with a variety pack of tampons, no one in their right mind is going to think that they're for me. Why should I be embarrassed? In fact, I might even get a little respect from the cashier when I get up there with the pads that come with those little soothing wipes, because....come on....those are the best.
(The record shall also show that I still love thick steaks, sports, working out and blowing stuff up)
And I'm spent.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Science has invented many wonderful things and I've always been glad to have them but I can't remember a time when I appreciated them more than today. This little machine here is a fetal doppler and allows you to hear your unborn child's heartbeat.
Today we had the priviledge of meeting our doctor, who is strange and super nice and we also got to hear our little jellybean's heartbeat. It was going about 180 bpm. From what I hear that's fast and means it's a girl. I guess time will tell.
We're both happy and a little relieved that only one heartbeat was heard.
Monday, June 2, 2008
When I started my job in October and knew I would be driving to Salt Lake four times a week, I figured that being in a carpool was a great idea. Not only for convenience, but to save miles on the car and save money. Had I known the mental anguish it would cause me in the months to come, I'm quite sure I would have spared myself and Andy all the horrors!
My carpool was made up of some interesting (to say the least) characters. There were 2 women and 3 males. Only the males drove and that in itself was frightening enough some days, as at random times, one driver exclaimes "WOW! I was just going 105 mph" Some things can be overlooked, such as speeding or over zealous honking habits but I soon discovered major character flaws that I just couldn't handle. Besides the fact that 4 of 5 were over 5'10" and being squished into a 2 door Honda, or even worse a VW jetta. Oy! Needless to say, I always was in the back seat considering my short leg syndrome!
One morning, we were on our way and the car was reaking of some horrid odor that was all too familiar...morning breath. When the assailant was questioned he cheerfully admitted that since he had skipped breakfast, and would be eating at work he'd also skipped brushing. YUCK!
So my friends, my advice is that no matter how desperate or frugal you are...SCREEN your carpool particpants carefully. You have no idea how much you will learn about them on your commute to and from work! I did end up with one good friend through the carpool experience but some other members are definitely on the list. (you know mom, they're dead to me!)